Demented Flower
by Isabeau Saraid
Summary: Once again I've upset Jareth. Well, I suppose I'll just have to suffer the consequences. Hmm... hair dye!
1. Demented Flower

Demented Flower

By: Mystcgrl99

Disclaimer: No, I don't own the rights to Labyrinth, though I wouldn't mind owning a dress like Sarah's ball gown…

A/N: Written at Forensics (Competitive Theatre) camp. Need more be said?

Walking along one day, I saw a flower. Pretty little thing, nothing unusual about it. But then as I was looking at it, it looked _back! _Other than black eyed Susans, I didn't know flowers had eyes. So you can understand how disturbed I was when this particular flower opened it's eyes and stared back at me. Let's just say I freaked out. Basically, I tore the flower from the ground and started stomping on it. Then, from the hole in the ground made by the roots, there arose a stench so great, so vile, well, I lost my breakfast. And then the ground all around me deteriorated and I plummeted to who knows what. Just before I hit the source of the smell I grabbed a branch and pulled myself away. Before I could gather my wits, I lost consciousness.

When I came to I took in my surroundings. I found myself in the worst area possible. Five feet above the Bog of Eternal Stench. Damn. I really should stop putting hair dye in Jareth's shampoo. He always finds ways of getting even. I don't think I've ever known someone with such a temper. Well, aside from my mother at least. It really is fun to piss Jareth off though.

Back to the problem at hand, err, nose. HOW THE HELL DO I GET OUT OF THIS TREE?!!!

"Jareth!!! Get your sorry, spandex-clad ass out here and save me!"

"Must you always make fun of my clothes?"

"Will you ever wear a pair of jeans?"

"No."

"Then yes, I must. Now, be a dear and help me out of the tree."

"Why should I? It took me TWO WEEKS to get my hair back to normal, and I really don't like having hot pink hair! The goblins laughed at me."

"First, since when has your hair ever been normal? Second, because I'm a perfect little angel and oh so cute."

"Love the horns."

"They're only there to hold up the halo. Please help me down. I promise not to put hair dye in your shampoo anymore."

"Very well then."

With that Jareth produced a crystal and threw it at me. I knew learning to flirt and bat my lashes would pay off. Next I know I'm sitting in Jareth's lap in the throne room. Hmmm, not what I expected.

"You did this on purpose, didn't you?"

"Yes. There's a reason I wear tights you know."

"No, no, no, no, no, NO!! Bad mental image. *shudders* Jareth, you're pure evil, you know that?"

"And still you haven't moved from my lap."

"That's because you have both arms around my waist holding me here. If you don't let me go I'm going to wish you away!"

"Jordan, you do realize that that would be most ineffectual, seeing as I'm the Goblin King and you _can't_ wish me away!"

"Yes, I can. I wish Santa Clause would come and take you away. Right now!"

"Santa Clause? Jordan, why the hell wou-" *poof*

"Wah! Ouch, my butt hurts. Jareth so needs to get cushions for his throne. I'm really glad I taught Mrs. Clause that recipe for peanut butter cookies. Having Santa in debt to you can be a good thing. Now let's see what havoc I can wreak."

Searching through my purse, I find some blue hair dye. I know what you're thinking. Yes, I promised I wouldn't put dye in his shampoo anymore, but I never said anything about his body wash! Jareth, the smurf Goblin King! Wow, I'm evil. *maniacal laughter*


	2. Chapter 2

CH. 2

Mystcgrl99

A/N: I really hadn't intended for another chapter, but when it was asked for the idea just seemed to pop into my head. Enjoy: )

slam

Oh shit. I look up from my book when I hear the noise. Apparently Jareth's back, and not pleased. A moment later, the aforementioned king makes a grand entrance into the library. He spots me a little too quickly for comfort.

"Jordan, do you have _any_ idea of what spending three hours in the north pole does to a man who just happened to be wearing _tights_?"

I smile at him. This really is just too good. Though I had better get back home before he takes a bath.

"Jareth, love, so sorry about that, but as you had decided to make yourself my new belt, I really had no other choice. Now, as much as I love availing myself with the use of your library, could you kindly send me home now?"

"Anxious are we? No, I don't think I'll send you home just yet." As he talked, Jareth stalked over to me until he wasn't even a foot away. "I believe we have unfinished business."

"Nope. You got revenge for the whole hair thing, so what more is there to- oh. Well, you know, I really do need to get home to study, and as magic isn't quite what's going to be on the test tomorrow, I'll just be going now."

With that I sped from the room, pulling a chair in front of Jareth as he chased me. I hear a muffled curse as Jareth crashed into a nearby bookshelf. Laughing insanely, I race down the hall, looking for a way to escape Jareth, in case he decides to take a bath before finding me. While in the library I had found a book on Jareth's castle. There's a room around here somewhere that's made to transport people wherever they want to go, so if I can find it I'm home free. I open a door to the right of me, and am instantly in love. Apparently Jareth has more secrets than I thought. Stepping fully into the room, I start dancing to the music that had started as soon as I opened the door. Devil's Dance Floor, by Flogging Molly. Never knew Jareth liked them, though I'm a die-hard fan, ever since my friend Joe told me about them. Irish rock is so cool. Suddenly a crack appears in the ceiling, and the next moment Jareth tumbles onto the floor. Squealing, I run from the room. Too bad Jareth had to show when he did, the room had just started playing Black Friday Rule.

I made the mistake of glancing behind me, because the next moment Jareth has appeared in front of me, and I crash into him. As I land on top of him, Jareth grabs my arms to keep me from moving. Giving me a decidingly evil grin Jareth says, "I have you now."

Thinking quickly, I look up and gasp. "Sarah! What are you doing here!"

Releasing me Jareth stands up quickly, only to discover no one there as I race off in the opposite direction. Rounding a corner, I find myself in the best place possible. The castle armory. Sweet. I could have _so _much fun in _this_ room. Hearing footsteps behind me, I grab a dagger and hide behind the nearest suite of armor. Coming into the room, Jareth looked around, confused.

"I could have sworn the blasted girl came this way. Uh-oh." Apparently he realized exactly where we were. Everyone knows I'm a sword freak. And the fact that I actually know how to use them makes people a bit wary. I love acting workshops. The teach some of the most interesting things. As Jareth occupies himself with looking behind the tapestry across the room, I slip out the way I came in. That transportation room has to be around here somewhere. Coming to a small flight of stairs leading downward, I soon find myself once again in the throne room. Back to where I started. Well, almost. I suppose I _started_ above the bog, but I'd rather not think about that. Hey, what's that? Going closer to inspect something on the throne, I suddenly feel a pair of arms go around my waist, pulling me after them onto the throne. That reminds me.

"Jareth, have you ever thought about getting cushions for your throne?"

"Why would you need cushions, you have me to sit on."

"Go to hell. You know, my boyfriend's probably going to be very angry with you. He doesn't take it too well when other guys make me sit on their laps."

"Since when did you have a boyfriend?"

"Since I met you younger brother."

The shock of my statement made Jareth loosen his hold enough for me to break away from him and run. If my luck held, I would met up with the aforementioned brother, who though not necessarily boyfriend material, he would definitely help me get away from Jareth, and Sean was much easier to get away from than Sock- Boy. And I knew exactly how to get home from Sean's castle, though I had spent less time in it than Jareth's. Besides, Sean is much cuter, wears jeans, and looks suspiciously like Orlando Bloom. Ohhh, cut blonde-elf-dude. Drool Even has the dreamy accent.

Eeep! Goblins!

Trying to duck out of the way before the goblins see me, I end up tripping over my feet and landing in a heap. Noticing me, the goblins squeal with delight and grab me.

"It's Jordy!"

Dear Lord, where did they hear _that_ nickname? Cale, you are so dead. It appears there is nothing I can do but follow along as the goblins pull me to my feet and drag me outside for a game of "tag". Unfortunately, they all decide it would be fun for _me _to run and all of them to chase. What did I do to deserve this? Well, other than tormenting Jareth as much as I can. Ever since the first time I visited the Underground the goblins have loved it when I visit. Maybe it was a mistake to play catch with them. Although using a Firey's head for the game was rather interesting. Except when it bit your hand.

In my newest attempt to escape the goblins I decide to jump on top of the nearest wall. Of course I immediately fall off the other side, due to a large bird hitting me. As the bird and I tumble to the ground, the bird turns into an extremely handsome, and slightly less annoying than Jareth, fae.

"Sean!"

"Jordan!"

"Well, now that we've established that we know each others names, could you be kind enough to get off me, I'm having trouble breathing."

Rolling off me and onto his feet, Sean extends a hand towards me to help me up.

"Sorry about crashing into you. I was just coming to complain to Jareth about the smell his bog puts off when I saw you. I'm afraid I couldn't resist temptation."

Sean, grinning like an idiot, has yet to let go of my hand. Not that I'm complaining. He really is rather sweet. Tugging on my hand, we start to walk around the side of the gardens not currently infested with goblins.

"So, what did you do this time? Every time I've seen you in the Underground it was because you'd done something to piss Jareth off."

"Oh, the usual. I put pink hair-dye in Jareth's shampoo. He suspended me over the bog for a little while. Then I wished him away to Santa Clause, though he's back now. I was in the process of being chased by him when the goblins dragged me outside for a game of tag. Oh, and if Jareth takes a bath while I'm still here, will you protect me?"

"Why would I need to?"

"Because I put blue hair dye in his body wash so he'll look like a smurf."

Chuckling, Sean puts his arm around my waist, pulling me closer.

"Of course I'll protect you. I'll carry you off to my castle, where Jareth will never find us."

"Um, actually, that would probably be the first place he looks. You could always take me to Greece though."

"Alright, that works."

"Hey, you know what we should do? We should find Jareth a girlfriend so he doesn't bug me all the time."

"Don't you normally initiate the "bugging"?"

"That's irrelevant. Besides, wouldn't you prefer Jareth focus his attentions on someone ether than me?"

"Good point. But where can we find someone who'd be willing to date a guy in tights? Other than a gay bar, that is."

Smiling, I say, "Don't worry, I have an idea."


End file.
